Things I won't miss about clinical eye care...(Chapter One)

As I prepare to reduce the clinical portion of my career and go back into R+D, I can't help but review some of the unique experiences you encounter as an eye doctor.
In the past I have left R+D to go back to clinical work because I missed it but shortly after have realized that my hindsight had not been 20/20.
Don't get me wrong, I do love clinical work. There are just some things that other eye docs will recognize that, well, you could live without.
I trained in Miami so a lot of these are pretty specific to the area.

Greeting the new patient in Miami:
(In spanish) "Mr. (blank) please follow me. Do you speak any English?"
" No....only at work."

Refracting Old Cuban ladies:
(In spanish) "OK, now Mrs. (blank), I want you to watch that letter E. I will show you two lenses and I want you to tell me which lens makes the 'E' seem more clear to you. If they seem about the same, just tell me so."
" O si Amor, I understand."
"OK, here's one..........and here's two."
"No."
" OK Mrs. (blank), even though neither lens may be perfect, I just need to know which lens seems a little better than the other. Telling me 'no' doesn't help me."
"Oh, OK Amor, I get it."
"Great Mrs. (blank), excellent. So lets's try that again. Just take a look at the 'E' through each lens choice and tell me which one is a little better."
"OK Sweetie."
"Here's lens one....."
"Mmm Hmm."
"...and here's lens two...."
"............................................No."


Refracting every Engineer:
"OK, Mr. (blank), I just want you to watch that little 'E' on the chart while I show you two different lenses. I just need you to tell me which lens seems to make the lines of the 'E' a bit clearer and crisper. If they seem about the same just tell me that. Okay?"
"Sure, no problem."
"Here's lens one....."
"Yup."
"...and here's lens two..."
"Can you do that again?"
"Sure. Here's one..........and here's two."
"One more time."
"OK, here's one...........and here's two."
"Again."
"Here's one.......................and two."
"Once more..."
"One and.......two..."
"Repeat please..."

The Translated Health History:
Frequently when new or older immigrants who have not learned English come for exams, they will bring a child from the family as a translator. They are usually adorable and remarkable in their ability to switch between languages but sometimes do not translate completely.
"Hi. Are you here to translate for your grandmother?"
"Yes."
"Well, good for you. Thank you for helping her."
"It's OK."
"First, can you ask your grandmother if she has any history of health problems like with her heart or lungs or something like that?"

" OK. (unitelligible foreign language) ....H93nfdpqosjdc`%^*&^T NOUIY(y *()(l l ku (*Y^UGHK jikugi*YJ (^(&*^ ......?"

"(the Grandmother)...Oh..(with expression of concentration launches into 5 minute narrative).. )&(dnedje894393smn sjsi$$...heart surgery...mnlohiy bhgty^%$$^ ... Diabetes....% (*&^niuguyt OIHIYVV ...brain tumor...KBygfuvj&^*( ...diabetes...KGUY*^* JBIYgfutdty 07968 UG^%&%&...stroke...KIGUkl oghuiyfy*&^&%HG oiuhoOUIY(*&876^RD ...blood transfusion...JYGUDtlkjn(**^%$&T OHIYGFH....."

(The child) "She say 'no'..."



To Be Continued......